Relationships in the real world are nothing like the ones we see at the movies or read about in romance novels or once upon a time fairytales – and for good reason.
The most charming person in the room isn’t always the ideal guy for you, and the plain housemaid who just sits around all day looking out the window and sweeping chimney dust is not likely to stumble upon her ideal match on some uneventful stroll to the market one morning.
It’s normal for people to look for something exciting and attractive in another man or woman, after all its about aiming high being with someone who inspires you.
People who have a healthy level of self-esteem and confidence want to find a wonderful partner who has good social value, emotional and financial security, and physical attributes that trigger an attraction. Someone they can build an exciting future with.
Of course, there’s more to be mentioned but different people have different items on their checklist so we’ll leave the other ones to your imagination.
On Becoming “Ideal”
Our own desire to find a “valuable” relationship partner means we shouldn’t be surprised when other people have high expectations of how they choose theirs.
In short, “To find the ideal lover, we must also become one.” That’s how the real world works. It doesn’t pay to always feel like we’re entitled to an ideal relationship when we fail to work on becoming the ideal partner.
I always advise my clients to look and feel their best so that they can attract the best.
If you’ve been a victim of an unfortunate love affair, chances are you’ve built nice tall walls around your heart.
It’s no surprise given the paradox of choice that many people have experienced at least some form of relationship pain, maybe being cheated on, manipulated, hurt, and emotionally let down by their nearest and dearest.
The experience can leave you feeling debilitated and seemingly start to believe you are worthless as a person (which just isn’t true). If this is your story, and I know I’ve been there too.
It’s time to change your story, think about the positive learning from your situation. I know sometimes you might have to dig deep and look at, but eventually you will find it.
Maybe the experience has helped you discover what you really want, maybe you’re a stronger person, maybe just maybe it’s an opportunity to find real love with someone who is your equal.
I don’t know about you but when you focus on the positive it naturally makes you feel better, lighter and this helps you give off a positive vibe. We know that positivity is sexy! Positivity is irresistible and opens up so many amazing doors.
Try it now, get a piece of paper and write down the positive outcome of your past relationships that didn’t work. Once you have finished that task write down all the great qualities you have to offer and finally write down at least five key points you would love in your new relationship.
Practice reminding yourself of everything written on your list. This will help you be the absolute best version of you and becoming that ideal you.
Once you have your mindset right, as Olivia Newton John would say. “Let’s get physical”… A healthy body means a healthy mind. Turbo charge your endorphins with an exercise regime, where its out in the great outdoors, the gym or joining a running club, commit to being your absolute physical ideal.
Can you see the win-win? Not only will you feel amazing, look amazing, you are also opening up doors to meet new people! Exciting isn’t it?
Your future partner will appreciate your positivity your new ideal self. Being fixated on the past is likely to lead to sabotage and preventing any future connection. Which will leave you back at square one. It makes perfect sense to let the past be the past and focus your energy on the future doesn’t it?
Perhaps the most important thing about becoming the ideal man or woman would be empathy and the ability to understand the emotions of one another. Being in a present state allows you to do this.
When both partners are empathic and capable of conversing with respect and feeling for the wants, attitudes, and values of the other, you both feel validated. The same level of intuition and emotional responsiveness is also needed to meet the physical and sexual needs of your partner. When you understand what the other person’s needs and drivers are in life you and handle the situation openly and responsively, you are more likely to achieve a feeling of fulfilment and satisfaction from the relationship.
Relationships are all about giving, the more you give the more you receive. That’s the dynamic of a healthy one. When you make a person feel good around you they naturally want to spend more and more time with you. Charming people make others feel good about themselves, the easiest way to do this is to take the focus off you and focus purely on connecting with the other person.
Everyone deserves a successful relationship, and just like you have achieved career success by investing time and energy into it, your relationship will benefit from some TLC.
Most of the work you need to do will be on yourself and good news is that it will have a flow on effect into all areas of your life. You’ll start to feel more confidence, positive, hopeful, your relationships will improve with everyone especially yourself. You’ll see!
By Samantha Jayne – Relationship Expert